I Want to Be a Qualified Dafa Particle
By Malaysia practitioner Xin Ru
Greetings Respected Master! And Fellow practitioners!
My name is Xin Ru, and I am from Sabah, East Malaysia. As both my parents are cultivators, I grew up in a circle of Dafa disciples. I knew that Dafa is good and Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good. Although I occasionally followed the elders in studying the Fa and practising exercises, at that time, I didn’t understand what cultivation was. Perhaps the time had yet to come or my enlightenment quality was low. As I grew up, I drifted into society and became an ordinary person. At most, I could only be considered as an ordinary human being who knew the truth.
I remember when I graduated from high school and was choosing university, one day, one of my teachers approached me and said that there was an opportunity for a state government scholarship. This scholarship was generally not open to Chinese but primarily prioritised for Malays and indigenous people. Even if my grades were excellent, we would not receive the treatment we deserved due to racial disadvantages. Because my grades were quite good, the teacher said there was now such an opportunity, and he could assist me in applying and it would definitely be successful, but with a condition that I need to pay for a fee. I was a bit surprised after hearing it. Isn’t this a bribe? Although it arose due to the so-called unfair system, my heart felt uncomfortable. So, I told the teacher that I wanted to think about it.
I was in a state of dilemma, on one hand, I really wanted to reduce my parents’ burden of supporting me for higher education, but on the other hand, I felt uneasy.
One day, while I was pondering in the living room, I thought: what should I do about this matter? Suddenly, I looked at Master’s portrait on the wall and the two Falun next to it, one with Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance and the other with Falun Always Rotates. I immediately had the answer, and it was very firm. I said in my heart to Master, this is the way that aligns with Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance, and I don’t want to disappoint Master.
As for how I could reduce my parents’ financial burden, I already had a plan. I would apply for the government grant given to university students, which we would have to repay after entering society. Therefore, it is different from a scholarship. However, if we achieve excellent grades in university, this grant will be waived, serving as an encouragement from the government. Moreover, many universities themselves also offer scholarships, so I decided to work harder while studying at university. This was my promise to myself. After telling my parents about my final decision, they were very supportive.
Looking back on that period, it was likely a test for me, and perhaps, because of it, the seed of obtaining the Fa had already been planted in my heart.
- Finding the Meaning of Life, Becoming a Genuine Dafa Disciple
During my academic career, the meaning of my life was to study and get good grades. I never thought about anything else. After graduating from university, I suddenly lost the meaning of life overnight. My friends around me had their own life goals, but I didn’t know the reason I came to this world for, so I lost my direction in life.
Eventually, I chose to return to school and pursue a master’s degree. After all, this was what I was best at for half of my life.
However, four months later, I suddenly fell ill with a strange disease. It felt like there was something growing in my neck, and I felt exhausted every day, unable to focus on my research. I visited several doctors, from government hospitals to private hospitals, from GPs to specialists, from Western medicine to Chinese medicine, and tried various folk remedies. None of the doctors could cure me; they didn’t have confidence. I felt like a lab rat in the laboratory, with them trying different drugs on me repeatedly, ultimately leaving my body scarred and worsening.
I felt very bitter inside. Growing up to this age, I was supposed to be independent, not letting my parents worry about me, but the situation turned worse, and they had to take care of me, who couldn’t do anything.
During this period, although I also practised and studied the Fa, my enlightenment quality was very low. On one hand, I was still going to the hospital for treatment, and on the other, I grabbed onto Dafa, treating it as a method of healing. It was with a seeking heart.
After continuously studying the Fa, I gradually understood what cultivation is and recognized my fundamental attachments. I decided to let go of everything because cultivation and returning to my true home were my life’s meaning.
One day, I suddenly noticed that the thing in my neck became more apparent. It was initially inside my neck, but eventually, it scabbed over, and after the scab fell off, there was only a scar left, and it was gone. The fatigue I felt every day also disappeared.
The miraculous power of Dafa manifested in me. Master said in “Towards Consummation” in Essentials for Further Advancement II or The Essentials of Diligent Progress II that, “Studying the Fa with attachment is not true cultivation. Yet during the course of cultivation a person may gradually become aware of his fundamental attachments, rid himself of them, and thus meet the standard for a cultivator.”
Master also said, “You may start on the path of Dafa with those thoughts, yet over the course of cultivation you need to regard yourself as a cultivator. During the course of cultivation, through reading the books, studying the Fa, and diligently making progress, you should manage to clearly recognize what your thoughts were when you first came to Dafa. After cultivating for a period of time, are your thoughts still the same? Are you continuing on the path because of those human attachments? If so, you cannot be counted as my disciple. It means that you have not discarded your fundamental attachments and have failed to understand the Fa from the Fa.
I realised that by letting go, it is actually gaining. We cannot complete cultivation with a seeking heart, and even less can we cultivate with fundamental attachments, because that is not true cultivation. I am deeply grateful to Master; it was Master who gave me a second chance at life, although I have never seen Master, I cherish everything very much.
- Entering Fa-Rectification Cultivation, and Forming a Connection with the Media
As I studied the Fa more and more, I also began to understand what Dafa disciples in the Fa-rectification period should do. At that time, I wanted to participate in all kinds of Dafa media and contribute my part. Miraculously, one day, a fellow practitioner told me that the English Epoch Times was recruiting staff and that they could help me submit my resume. Although I didn’t pass the interview, they referred me to another Chinese truth-clarification media outlet for an interview. This interview went smoothly, and I passed quickly.
Later, due to my work with the media, I went to work in the Vietnam office. Compared to my hometown, where there were very few practitioners and most of them were elderly, it was different in Vietnam. I met many fellow practitioners, and they were very young. In fact, I was considered relatively old there and was always being called as sister.
Everyday, more than a hundred people worked together for Dafa media in the office. It felt great. We studied the Fa, practised exercises, and sent forth righteous thoughts together at scheduled times, encouraging and supporting each other. Of course, there were occasional conflicts, which were very testing, but through studying the Fa and communicating with fellow practitioners, we ultimately improved and gained from it.
Moreover, Vietnam is a communist country, though not as evil as China, but with many similar aspects. Occasionally, we would hear news that practitioners were beaten by Vietnamese police or that the office of a Dafa media was harassed by the police, with Dafa books confiscated. It all depends on how we as Dafa disciples positioned our hearts.
I felt that during that period of time in Vietnam, perhaps because of the complex environment, there were many XinXing tests mind-nature), one after another, with external pressures and significant internal conflicts. At that time, I couldn’t understand these internal conflicts and felt it was no different from the backstabbing dramas in ordinary companies. I also felt that it was like what Master said, “In fact, most interference for Dafa comes internally, from practitioners themselves. External factors can only affect a few individuals and are unable to alter the Fa. Whether it be at present or in the future, those who can undermine our Fa are none other than our own disciples. Be careful!” (Essentials for Further Advancement, “Immutable”). Therefore, I kept my distance from some practitioners.
One day, while studying the Fa alone in the office, I came to read about this sentence from Zhuan Falun, Lecture Five: “We can begin to understand how spiritual bodies come into being if we stop and consider that well-known divinities [who have these], such as the Buddha or Guan Yin, must have once upon a time been regular practitioners themselves.”
Reading this, I suddenly felt like I was awakened with a slap, but without pain, feeling completely transparent, as if I could see through these internal conflicts. I knew it was the inner meaning of the Fa manifesting to me, as divine beings in the Fa saw that I hadn’t realised it yet, so they enlightened me with a hint.
I realised that this is the form that Dafa disciples’ cultivation takes. These conflicts arose not only due to my previous life’s karma but also because there are factors for improvement. It was because of the opportunity to go to Vietnam that I had the chance to recognise my deficiencies through these means and improve from within.
Master said in “Fa Teaching at the 2008 New York Conference,” Collected Teachings Given Around the World, Vol. VIII, “No matter what it is you have encountered as you’ve gone about validating the Fa, it is all, I will tell you, a good thing—and that’s especially so in these years of persecution—for those things have come about specifically because you do cultivation. Those ordeals and the suffering, no matter how great or harsh you find them to be, are good things, because they take place solely on account of your cultivation. A person can eliminate karma and shed human attachments when he goes through ordeals, and through ordeals he can improve. Whether your motive is to save sentient beings, to validate the Fa, or to make progress in your own cultivation, they are ordeals all the same. They aren’t supposed to make way for you just because you think, “I’m doing this for Dafa” or “I’m doing this to save sentient beings.”
Master also said in “Further Understanding” in Essentials for Further Advancement that, “Do you realize that as long as you’re a cultivator, in any environment or under any circumstances, I will use any troubles or unpleasant things you come across—even if they involve work for Dafa, or no matter how good or sacred you think they are—to eliminate your attachments and expose your demon-nature so that it can be eliminated, for your improvement is what’s most important.”
Back then, whenever I saw problems with some person in charge, I will immediately correct myself.
Master said in “Be More Diligent,” Collected Teachings Given Around the World, Vol. X that, “Actually, though, as a Dafa disciple, if in such cases your thoughts are righteous, and what you are thinking about is cultivation, about being responsible, and about how it’s something that should be done well, then you should quietly take whatever it is that you feel is lacking and do it well. That is in fact how a Dafa disciple should handle it.”
After working in Vietnam for eight months, due to the Vietnamese government’s hardline stance on Dafa, I returned to Malaysia eventually. I lost a great cultivation environment. Gradually, the attachment to comfort began to emerge. It was very obvious that my cultivation state was different from when I was in Vietnam. In Vietnam, although the environment was harsh, everyone was very diligent. However, after returning home, the environment was more relaxed, and I became more comfortable. Although I still ensured to practise exercises, study the Fa, and send righteous thoughts every day, I could clearly feel the attachment to comfort gradually rising.
I felt that in such an environment in Vietnam, if we did not work hard, it was easy to be brushed out. However, I realised that this attachment to comfort at home was even more dangerous. Because the attachment to comfort can gradually push a person out without them realising it, it is like a frog being boiled in warm water, not knowing it’s being cooked. That is the scariest thing.
I felt that I was easily influenced by the environment. If the environment was good, my cultivation would be more solid. Without the environment, I would indulge myself a bit. This mentality is not good. Isn’t this what Master said, “when the average man hears the Way, he will sometimes believe and sometimes doubt,” (Zhuan Falun, Lecture Nine)? As a cultivator, even without an environment, I should create one myself because we are Dafa disciples and cannot let attachments lead the way.
Therefore, at that time, whenever there was any Dafa activity abroad, such as parades in Hong Kong or Fa conferences in Taiwan, I would participate as much as possible and gain a lot from them.
Actually, I have always been an ordinary person, not feeling much in cultivation, so sometimes when I hear fellow practitioners sharing their experiences, such as seeing Master, or Master showing them something, dreaming of Master, etc., I still envy them. I always feel that they must be very diligent every day because they can see such things.
But miraculously, whenever I have a wish, it seems like Master will be able to hear it. For example, when I saw the fairy team passing by during a Dafa activity parade, I once had the thought of joining the fairy team. Sometimes, seeing the Tian Guo Marching Band perform, I also wish to try it out. Thereafter, just like Master heard my wishes, fellow practitioners invited me to join the fairy team and later the Marching Band. Just like when I wished to do media work, Master arranged it. Later, I even thought about doing self-media, but I didn’t dare to show my face. Soon after, I was assigned to produce self-media at work, not only doing self-media but also without the need to show my face. It was truly amazing! I could feel that Master was always right beside me! I just couldn’t see him.
- Various Notions Stem from “Self”
Recently, I found out that I will have human notions easily when looking at people and things, including practitioners. For example, if some practitioners’ behaviours are peculiar and incomprehensible to me, or if I think their behaviour is not what a cultivator should have, it is easy for me to develop notions about this person, and every time I see them, I will think of them with these notions.
I often ask myself, fellow practitioners are mirrors, why can’t I look within myself first? In fact, every time I have such thoughts, I can still be aware of them, but I can’t eliminate them immediately. Often, it takes a while to realise it. It’s like a black dot on a white sheet of paper; I easily magnify that black dot and ignore the other white parts.
Once, when I was studying the new article “Stay Far Away From Peril” I read, “That’s Master telling you to mutually save and help each other, to save others while saving yourself—this is sentient beings saving each other at the end times.” I felt a great force of kindness and compassion. I immediately thought, even if a fellow practitioner is really not in line with the Fa, or even becomes evil, Master said it is “to mutually save and help each other, to save others while saving yourself,” which means the other person is actually the same as oneself, both are to be saved, there is no distinction between who is better or worse because this process is a process of mutual salvation.
From this, I understood that the reason I always used human notions and thoughts to look at things was because I hadn’t cultivated well in the aspect of kindness and was not kind enough to others. However, when digging deeper, I found that behind this lack of kindness, there was actually a hidden attachment to self.
Whenever I thought that my understanding was correct, or others’ ideas did not align with mine, I would feel uncomfortable and try to persuade them. Although I would add, “In the end, it’s your decision, I just express my personal opinion,” after explaining my theory, I still felt uncomfortable if others disagreed. If I didn’t have the attachment to self, I wouldn’t feel uncomfortable.
I realised that if I didn’t eliminate the attachment to self, it would easily form various notions, thus viewing conflicts with human notions, and over time, resentment would arise. Actually, I think when someone has many complaints about various things, it might be the attachment to self causing trouble. And self is for selfishness, so starting from this point, it is certainly impossible to cultivate kindness.
Master said in “A Wake-Up Call,” “To be able to regard anyone and everyone with compassion, to have love for all people, really isn’t something the average person can achieve. Harder still is to have a sense of compassion toward all living things in everything you do. But that is something practitioners of Dafa have to be able to do! Spiritual development is a process, and so what I described might not be doable at the moment for those who are newer to the practice; but with time, as you develop further in your spiritual practice, you must manage to do that. Veterans of the practice need to do this now. This is something dictated by your historic mission, and it is something that every Dafa practitioner who aspires to spiritual greatness must achieve in their practice!”
I realised that eliminating the attachment to self doesn’t mean I can’t have any ideas in the future, or I wouldn’t dare to express my ideas. Cultivation is always about cultivating the heart, not just appearances. If we can truly treat everything with kindness and compassion, even if we have ideas and think they might benefit the whole, expressing them without attachment is fine because it comes from a sense of responsibility to the whole, not to emphasise personal understanding or express dissatisfaction.
Now, although I am gradually becoming aware of the attachment to self in such situations and grasp it in time, the next step should be to completely eliminate this part, not just stay at the level of grasping this thought. Master wants us to achieve selflessness, and altruism, the standard of the new universe.
- Unconditional Faith in Master and the Fa
At work, because I am involved in self-media, I am fortunate to participate in the Ganjing World project. However, since I am not in the United States, much of the information is conveyed to us through the American supervisor. Later, perhaps due to the rapid development of the Ganjing World project, our entire company’s operation underwent a major reshuffle, and the American supervisor was transferred to another department. He became even busier than before. It was already difficult to find him before; after the reshuffle, it became even harder.
At that time, I felt that our project was like being abandoned, left to fend for itself. Moreover, some promised collaborations had made no progress, and I felt very puzzled. Perhaps because I didn’t promptly realise the danger of this feeling, I gradually began to develop a heart of complaint.
Looking back now, I didn’t position the relationship between myself, the project, and the Gan Jing World project properly. On one hand, it was because I didn’t value sending righteous thoughts, even studying the Fa superficially without truly putting my heart into it, so I couldn’t promptly detect and correct these incorrect thoughts and let them grow. On the other hand, I didn’t achieve unconditional faith in Master and the Fa.
Although to date, Master has never mentioned “Gan Jing World” in public lectures, I know that Gan Jing World is a project led by Master and currently of utmost importance. Moreover, before Master mentioned doing Gan Jing World, I once had a dream. In that dream, I saw that the first person in charge of Malaysia was told to quickly copy some things, and it was not only Malaysia, but the first person in charge of each country worldwide also had to quickly copy some things, or else these things would be erased overnight. In the dream, I could feel a very tense atmosphere.
I never understood what this dream meant, but shortly after, we heard the news that Master said to establish Gan Jing World. At that moment, I suddenly remembered this dream and connected the two. From then on, I had a broader perspective on the work related to Gan Jing World and was determined to cooperate well with Master’s requirements and do the job better.
However, why did I feel helpless and confused now, even developing a heart of complaint? Do I have to hear something directly from Master in order for me to cherish it more? Why did my attitude become negative due to others’ actions?
I recalled Master’s words in Teachings at the Conference of Changchun Assistants, “The more explicitly I expound, the bigger the troubles and obstacles you will encounter. Thus, certain things are meant for you to enlighten to yourselves. It’s never the case that my explaining things explicitly makes your journey of cultivation a smooth one. While the challenges you have in enlightening to things become smaller, the tests you encounter and have a hard time passing become bigger. Don’t think that hearing more is a good thing. The Fa has actually been left to you in its entirety. What remains to be seen is in what state of mind you cultivate in.”
I realised that what I should know, I would naturally know. What I shouldn’t know, I wouldn’t know. I shouldn’t hold such an attitude towards Dafa projects. Only with a pure mindset can I do things well. Having unconditional faith in Master and the Fa will not be swayed by external factors.
I understood this was testing my faith and how I positioned myself. No matter what, deep down inside, I always have a wish: I want to be a qualified Dafa disciple, a qualified Dafa particle, a qualified being in the new universe!
Master said before, “Cultivate as you did at the beginning, and you are sure to succeed! ” . Now that we are transitioning to Fa rectifying the human world, I will continually purify myself, diligently cultivate, and remind myself to always remember the emotion and gratitude when I obtained the Fa, not to let down Master’s compassionate salvation, and return with Master after achieving consummation!
This is my personal understanding. If there are any parts not aligning with the Fa, please correct me compassionately.
Thank you, Master! Thank you, fellow practitioners!